fishes + loaves.

We’re wrapping up summer here in Alabama as my kids start preschool this week. I am shifting gears and slightly scrambling to make sure all of the back-to-school things are accounted for, but also still finding myself evaluating the past few months as people inevitably ask, “How was your summer?”

Here’s the long-winded version:

Honestly, half of this summer was spent trying to figure out a good rhythm for our energetic crew, which was tricky since the youngest still very much needs his morning nap. Once he pasts a certain point, he starts to resemble a (still)cute-but-loud little gremlin whose sole purpose is to let you know how very tired he is with his every scream. The older two kids (ages 4&2), however, need to run wild for most of the morning (not unlike small Energizer bunnies), so we tried to find some sort of ever-elusive balance…which really just meant we traipsed around different parks with the tiny gremlin in tow or stayed home and tore our entire house apart.

The second half of the summer seemed better...until I decided to do a Whole 30/social-media-break combo for some reason which I can no longer recall (there's only a few days left until I can taste the finish line).

Truly though, our summer was challenging but good. We played barefoot in the creek and roasted marshmallows, had dance parties and tickle fights, birthday celebrations and water gun wars. But there were also meltdowns and long mornings and extreme temperatures. I gave up cheese and bread and Instagram and gained countless dirty dishes. I was able read a lot of books, but I never did figure out when to best put the kids’ laundry away.

Much like the end of most seasons, I find myself (over)thinking:

Did we go on enough adventures and read enough stories and play enough games? Did we pray enough? Laugh enough? Hold hands enough? Discipline enough? Did I make the most of our everyday time together? Did I pay attention to all of the hard and good and beautiful?

And every time I start down that rabbit trail, the Lord gently brings me back to this comforting yet challenging thought: fishes & loaves.

Now you may be thinking, “Well, Alex has officially lost her marbles. Maybe it was the combination of the summer heat and the challenge of raising 3 small children. Bless her heart.”

Or maybe your brain went straight to the miraculous Bible story where Jesus feeds over 5,000 people. It’s the only miracle (apart from the resurrection) recorded in all 4 Gospels and sets the stage for Jesus’s “Bread of Life” sermon in John 6.

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Here’s a little recap:

Jesus withdraws from Galilee on a boat (sometime after hearing about the death of John the Baptist) to a desolate place. The crowd, eager to witness miracles and experience healings, follows Him. Jesus has compassion on them, heals their sick, and teaches the crowd.

The disciples get a little antsy as the daylight fades and they realize their current predicament. They approach Jesus and say, “’Send the crowd away to go into the surrounding villages and countryside to find lodging and get provisions, for we are here in a desolate place’” (Luke 9:12).

True to nature, Jesus replies, “’They need not go away; you give them something to eat’” (Matthew 14:16).

Jesus’s friends think something along the lines of “Cool, cool. With what food though?” Despite Jesus’s past miracles, the disciples were a little bewildered at His command. But we learn in John 6 that Andrew (Peter’s brother), offers this bit of information: “’There is a boy here who has five barley loaves and two fish’” and then he asks a seemingly-relevant question, “’but what are they for so many?’” (John 6:9).

Oh, boy. It’s easy to roll our eyes at these disciples when reading these kinds of comments, right? But I think we need to remember how easy it is to get caught up in a difficult circumstance and lose sight of the bigger picture. Jesus’s followers were probably feeling the building pressure. There was bound to be tension in the air with a crowd of that magnitude, and they most likely wanted to prevent conflict and make sure no one died of starvation. But in that process, they lost sight of the Miraculous Savior they were following. They neglected or forgot the ways of their Rabbi.

Don’t we do the same thing? We are faced with bad news or mounting pressures or hard situations, and we quickly lose sight of the bigger picture. We forget the good, perfect, and holy God we are following, even if only for a moment. I know I get caught up in the day-to-day challenges too often. I take my gaze off the One who holds it all together, thinking that I can control an outcome if I just try hard enough (spoiler: it doesn’t work that way).

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But here’s the part of the story that I love: Jesus uses those fishes & loaves. He blesses them, multiplies them, and has His hesitant disciples hand out food until everyone is full-to-the-brim. I will never stop chuckling at the fact that there were 12 whole baskets left over (one for each doubting disciple to carry?).

Fishes & loaves is such a comforting thought. Although Jesus does not need us to work in miraculous ways, He invites us to be a part of the story. Could Jesus have simply spoken to God and provided sustenance for everyone without involving someone else? You bet He could have (see: manna in the wilderness).

But on that long-ago day in the middle-of-nowhere, that little boy was able to see how Jesus used his measly meal to feed and bless thousands of people. He got to be a part of that miracle, and we are also invited to be a part of God’s redemptive ways in the everyday. We may not see the outcome right away, but we can rest assured that our sincere sacrifices for the kingdom will not go unused or unnoticed.

However, fishes and loaves is also a challenging thought. We know that the boy’s loaves were made of barley, which was common food for the poor in that day. He was most likely offering up all of the food he had for the foreseeable future. I think it would’ve been easy for that kid to hold on tight to his meal while thinking, “Surely there are other people in the crowd who have much more resources to offer. Jesus doesn’t need or want this little offering.”

Thankfully, he didn’t give in to those thoughts. Instead he gave away his food, and the boy was blessed in the bigger story that day.  As we similarly see in the story of the poor widow giving away her last coins (Mark 12), we know that Jesus values the heart behind the offering over its amount.

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So when I find myself overwhelmed or overthinking, the little phrase from this Bible story has become a guidepost for me lately, like the lamppost marking the way back to the wardrobe.

Fishes & loaves:

Am I relying on myself or on God? Am I giving Him my very best, my everything?

Fishes & loaves:

I serve a God of miracles who wants to use me in His great plan. I am not enough on my own merit, but He is.

Fishes & loaves:

I will lay my humble offering before the King, and I will trust in His power.

Most days my metaphorical fishes & loaves don’t seem very extraordinary, either. They look like changing diapers and kissing boo-boos and refereeing sibling fights. But when those things are done as a holy offering to God? Well that changes everything. No longer am I going through repetitive tasks; I am giving away my time as a gift for the building of His kingdom. No longer am I just a mom, but I am passing on tools to the next generation to live in light of the truth of the Gospel (very imperfectly, of course).

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I think it’s worth mentioning the similarities between the feeding of the 5,000 and the Last Supper. In both instances, Jesus blesses the food, breaks the bread, and passes it to others. The Last Supper, however, carries with it a weightiness that we cannot quite fathom. As we peak around the corner at the turn of events, we see the perfect sacrificial Lamb willingly marching to slaughter, taking our deserved place on that wooden cross. Hallelujah, what a Savior.

As we lift our gazes to the greatest sacrifice of all time, all of the sudden our earthly sacrifices don’t seem too difficult. Our desire to serve and love and speak for the glory of God grows as we further grasp the depth of our sin and the height of His grace. After all, they’re just fishes & loaves, but we have seen what God can do with less than this.  

So what are your fishes and loaves? What are the things you need to give away or give up for the furthering of His kingdom? How can your God-given gifts be used to bless others (no matter how seemingly small or big they seem)?

Jesus invites us to be a part of his grand & beautiful plan with the gifts He has given us. Let’s give our good & perfect Savior all we’ve got and watch Him work miracles.