It’s been a minute since I’ve written anything (besides a grocery list). I spent the last nine months growing a baby while fighting off illness after illness (3 stomach bugs with a side of the Virus-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named) and the last month keeping a newborn and very active toddler alive, which has used all of my energy and any remaining brain cells.

My days still mostly consist of nursing a newborn and refereeing toddler tantrums. I’m not even embarrassed that my shirt is covered in spit up and my floors with figurines…or that the only songs on my Spotify consist of nursery rhymes and Disney soundtracks. Finding time to write requires the stars (nap times) aligning and remembering where my computer is (both easier said than done).

A couple of weeks ago while Kevin was on paternity leave, we were reheating leftover pizza in the oven for lunch. When the oven timer went off, he walked over to the microwave and stared at the empty space, blinking slowly like a sleepy newborn himself. I guided him to the oven, where the food awaited and gently (okay, maybe sarcastically) reminded him that the baking sheet would be hot. I can neither confirm nor deny that he rolled his eyes dramatically when he grabbed an oven mitt.

I think that instance is a pretty accurate depiction of where we are…we’re functioning but not quite all there.

On a deep and personal level, I am understanding why they use sleep deprivation as a torture tactic.

And yet… in between the exhaustion and brain fog and middle-of-the-night feedings, I am wildly grateful. Completely enamored by childbirth and motherhood and curly-haired toddlers. Utterly humbled by how hard-but-beautiful these days can be. These are the very days I prayed for, but that doesn’t mean they are always easy.

It does mean that thankfulness and sinful thoughts are often competing, like the superhero and villain of my mind. It does mean that I am often reminded of my need for Christ and community and (quite possibly) an extra cup of coffee.  

Ultimately, these newborn days alert me (like a siren blaring into the night): How weak I am, how strong He is.

That’s the thing, isn’t it? Often, survival mode turns into surrender mode. Breaking points turn into the breaking of chains. Impatient interactions turn into humbled hearts. At least, I hope they do. I hope that my insufficiencies continue to open my eyes to Christ’s sufficiency. I pray that forgiveness is peeking around the corner following angry accusations. That His all-consuming glory greets me each day despite my selfishness and sarcasm and sleep deprivation.

Once again (and again and again)— His mercies are new every morning. I rest in that honest-to-goodness truth while I fold the laundry and wipe the faces and change the diapers. I may not have the capacity to sit and read Scripture for hours on end in this season, but I recite prayers as if I am taking breaths. I know I need the God that I’m praying to as I need that next breath. I know I will keep coming up short, but still He remains faithful.

There’s no lightning bolt from the sky or audible voice from above, but there is strength for today and hope for tomorrow. There is His Holy Word which meets me in the deepest places of my heart, the once-memorized verses now embedded there. There is grace and forgiveness and His redeeming love.

So those are my jumbled, half-complete thoughts for the day. Thank God that my feeble humanity points to His holiness.

He is enough. And we are not.

We can’t do it all. But Christ has done it all.

It is finished.

Well, I’m off to snuggle a crying baby and repeat this prayer: God, I need you. May there be less of me, more of Jesus in me.

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LOVING LATELY

Here are a few things that are helping me survive this newborn stage while also raising a toddler! (This is not your typical 'newborn essentials' list- I think there's only one actual baby product, so even if you're not in the same season of life, you may still find some of these recs helpful).
Also: I make zero dollars from these links and not affiliated with these companies in any way.

Kindle App
Through this app, you can read your books directly on your phone. This has been my go-to for those late night feedings/rocking to sleep, and I've found it to be so much better than scrolling social media or online shopping (although I still do plenty of both). See a few book recs below if you need some new reads!

Photo + Video Organization System
I have approximately one jillion photos and videos on my phone, and it quickly becomes overwhelming if I just leave them all sitting there like neglected little time capsules. My "system" is not exactly ground-breaking, but it does help me preserve sweet memories and captured smiles without succumbing to digital defeat (my life is cluttered enough, please and thank you).

So here's what I do:

-about every two weeks, I go through my most recent phone photos and save my favorites to a separate album (typically I just favorite them with the little heart button). Then I edit those with the (free) Lightroom App. There are so many tutorials out there on how to use this/make your own presets or you can purchase some and edit the photo with one click (I like to use the mobile presets by Sena Nelson). I also often do this during feeding/rocking time.

-once a month(ish), I go through those edited photos from the past month and move them over to the respective folder on my computer. I have a "2022" folder and then 12 separate monthly folders titled "Jan," "Feb," "March," etc.

-at the end of the year, I create a hard copy photo album through Artifact Uprising (I always make them the same size & color so they can easily stack together on our coffee table: 8.5"x8.5" in "parchment")

-for the kids' birthdays, milestones, and/or trips, I combine/edit my favorite video clips (from that year/day/place) through InShot and put it to a song...that way we have our own little montage of memories without having to watch each individual video which usually gets lost in the shuffle. Then I create a separate "videos" folder under the 2022 folder and move over those highlight videos there. I also might move over a few other full unedited videos for keepsakes but leave the rest on my phone or delete them.

I typically keep the current year's folder on my computer along with last year's, and the rest of the yearly folders are stored on a separate hard drive. I know a lot of people use the (digital) Google photo albums which seem to work well for storage too!

That may seem like a lot of steps, but it's actually pretty seamless as long as I keep up the maintenance. It definitely takes a little longer when I get a few months behind (which happens), but I think it's so worth it to take the time to organize/print those photos in keepsake books. We have a book for every year we've been married, and they are so fun to look back on. We also love going back to watch the highlight videos, and they are great to send to family members!

Ember Mug
I think I've shared this temperature-controlled coffee mug before, but it's worth mentioning again here because it's truly one of my favorite things. If you have babies in the house, then you know that you do not have time to sit down and drink a full cup of coffee... and microwaved coffee may get the job done, but it's not very pleasant. *In enters the Ember to save the day* If you drink coffee, this is THE move. Kevin also has the travel mug (which I've occasionally been stealing).

House of Noa Mat
We often get asked about our "rug" in our sunroom/playroom until people step on it and realize it's actually a padded play mat. There's not a day that goes by where I'm not laying on the floor, so I've been very grateful for this padded (& cute) mat. We have the starlight design in sand castle.

Solly Baby Wrap
This baby carrier is a life-saver when my newborn won't nap and my toddler wants to be very toddler-ish (wanting me to dance with her to Lion King, run around in circles, play outside, etc.)

(Screen-Free) Music Toy Box
Our two-year-old got this for her birthday, and it has been a hit. It's truly the best toy we own and kept her occupied for almost an entire 4-hour road trip. They sell a ton of different characters, so I think it will grow with her as well depending on what movie/books she likes in the next season (It's definitely more for 2 years+).

BOOKS.
Parenting by Paul David Tripp

Mama Bear Apologetics by Hillary Morgan Ferrer
Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic